Manchester United Random Match Report Generator
Welcome to the Manchester United Random Match Report Generator, a new way to find out about the latest Red Devils game. Please circle the appropaite words to match the latest game:
The game involving Man Utd and (insert team name here) was a close affair which ended in all three points for United. The first half saw some good football but neither side was able to make anything of their opportunties. C.Ronaldo showed signs of increasing frustration due to being outplayed by (insert your teams defender, e.g. Clichy, Richards). In the second half, Manchester United had alot more chances, which were mostly missed by (Rooney, Berbatov, Ronaldo). There was a controversial (penalty, free kick, sending off) decision that wasn’t given when (Rooney, Vidic, Ferdinand), (pulled down in the area, hacked, elbowed in the face) the opposition. Another moment of controversy came when C.Ronaldo (kicked out after a tackle, stamped on a player, sarcastically applauded the ref) but nothing was given against him. After failed chances from both sides, Man Utd got a bit of luck from the (sending off, deflection, post) and scored the winner late on in the game which was celebrated by Vidic doing a strange girly skip in front on the Man Utd fans mostly from (London, Milton Keynes, Plymouth or anywhere else except from Manchester itself).
Tags: C.Ronaldo, Manchester United, Ronaldo, Rooney, Vidic
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January 6, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Ha ha very good. I have another one slighty shorter.
Arsene Wenger after match interview
Interviewer: Arsene what did you think of your teams performance today?
Arsene: I thought weeed plaid viry weel and (insert the other teams name here) never ad the barl, weee dominateed de game… and er shoud av peeked urp all trois ponts.
Interviewer: Unfortunately that didn’t happen. Would you put down (insert the other teams name here) goal to a defensive error by Gallas or Almunias flapping in the box?
Arsene: No i theenk we were bay far de bitter teeem and yet again the referee has missed an obvious off side free kick coin from the fans machete wielding maniac that has allowed (opponents teams striker) to get cleeen thru urn goal.
Interviewer: Do you think that the premeiership referees are singling out your team and generally awarding in the opposing teams favour.
Arsene: If you are seeing dis den perhaps dis is so but i deed not say dat but if everyone out der can see its an obvious travesty of justeece and my team are being picked on, perhaps dis is so, whert can i say? you sed dis. i weel lerk at de videeo latter.
Interviewer: Arsene, earlier in the first half Gallas punched three of your own players and called out on several occassions , “you’re a bunch of red and white pansies, get stuck in” to your team, which seemed to provoke some kind of reaction from the players… including Tuore kneeing the referee between the legs and drop kicking (insert the other teams goalkeepers name) as he went for a corner. Do you think this may have perhpas unsettled your team a little and caused the mass sending off (three of your players wasn’t it?) which later undoubtedly contributed to (insert opposing teams name here) them scoring the winner?
Arsene: I did not see the incident er i weel av to luk at thee videeo latter. the players invovled av all sed nothing appened it was mayd erp! weel see.
Interviewer: so another three points dropped. is this going to see your team falling away from any chance of winning any trophies this season?
Arsene: i do not like loosing, bert we ar a fomideble foss n quite cerperbell erf winning many trerphees dis year. Arsenal ar inveeensibell n will get uva dis loss.
Interviewer: there is much speculation that you are going to sell Theo Walcott for 3p in the Jan window. How much truth is in dis.
Arsene: I did nert see dis i weeel luk at de videeo latter, i theenk it is fantasy, in strange minds. Theo is a veeery gut player weee like to keep for warming de bench wen he is fit,.
Interviewer: Thank you Arsene i think i can see your taxi arriving for the opticians and the job centre. good bye.
January 6, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Oh Simon Moores, what are you like hey? At some point I may do a Random Spurs generaor if your lucky.
January 7, 2009 at 7:33 am
i know i’m sorry i can’t help it… c’mon you burnley burners!!!
arsene: weeel de carleeng cerp ees erf ner merter to ers…. atually i didern se it.
January 7, 2009 at 3:39 pm
See here’s the thing Mooresy, and everyone knows it. Going round boasting that your Premiership first team beat Burnley, makes you look a bit silly. Particulary when the feedback is that the scoreline flattered Spurs.
January 7, 2009 at 6:40 pm
hee hee!! hang on we’re the only team to not be beaten by the top four… we’re invincible!!
January 8, 2009 at 10:32 am
Actually we’ve not been beaten by any of the top 4 either..oh wait we are actually in the top 4!
January 8, 2009 at 1:23 pm
ooops 5th i think
January 8, 2009 at 1:24 pm
all simon’s should support spurs i reckon… c’mon we’ll have you, your past will be forgiven.
January 8, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I meant the so called ‘top 4′ as you well know. You know the same top 4 your referring to in your post above. Because if you meant the present top 4 in the prem you would be making false claims. You may have forgot but spurs lost to Villa this year! Ooops!
As for moving over to the dark side I would rather watch loose women whilst being bummed by a 8ft russian, with a big mostache and an even bigger c0#k than having to watch spurs every week. Its not really a surprise that all spurs fans no nothing about football… watching them would put me off football for life as well. Maybe all spurs fans should go start watching something entertaining… like bowls! Thats what i reckon…
January 8, 2009 at 4:15 pm
A bit extreme Simon Dron, a bit extreme. Moores, what was that Spurs comment about though? Both Arsenal and Liverpool havent lost to any of the top four.
January 9, 2009 at 11:31 am
Is it though Mr Pearson? Is it?
(well yes it is…but you get my point).
January 9, 2009 at 4:12 pm
“…all spurs fans no nothing about football…”
Ah yes, good point.
January 9, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Ok my second paragraph may have been a tad over the top!
We’re correct about the top 4 thing tho aren’t we dear boy?
January 9, 2009 at 8:38 pm
The top four thing is quite correct.
James, can you do a Rafa Benitez random ‘have a go at Ferguson’ generator… please…
January 9, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Boys, it’s been a while since I have commented on this blog.
First of all, Big P, loved the Man Utd piece, spot on! Secondly, Simon Moores, I thoroughly enjoyed your piece and the banter that followed.
The point I want to make is that although Spurs haven’t lost to any of the ‘top 4′ this season, it is worth pointing out that they have lost to each of the three promoted teams. Now as a Spurs fan I take no pride in saying that, far from it, but my point is that this clearly highlights the inconsitency that defines Tottenham Hotspur FC. It’s something that bewilders me because I honestly cannot predict what Spurs team will show up for each game.
Take last year’s Carling Cup Final against Chelsea, where I thought we were outstanding and certainly deserved victory. The following week we take on Birmingham City. Now you’d think we’d win at a canter – I did anyway – but what happens? We get thrashed 4-1 (our consolation came in stoppage time). What followed after that was a complete disaster, culminating in Mr Ramos’ sacking in October.
In comes Harry and once again things begin to look up. A memorable draw against the gooners and a, albeit slightly fortunate, victory against Liverpool soon followed. Spurs fans, myself not included (for once), were talking about Europe again. But a few weeks on we are remain rooted to the lower echelons of the Premier League after defeats against Everton, Fulham, Newcastle and rock-bottom West Brom – all teams we should be beating, especially if we can get results against the ‘top 4′.
Now I’m a fan of Harry and I do think he’ll give the team some consitency, but ever since I have supported Spurs they have consistently being inconsistent and it peeves me off because the team has so much potential. I look at the team now – Bentley, Modric, Woodgate, Lennon, Pavlyuchenko, Jenas, King, Bale and now Defoe – and see teams like Wigan, Hull, Bolton and Fulham ahead of us. What’s that all about?
To sum up, and this really does take the mick, I was reading Paul Merson’s preview for our game against Wigan on Sunday and he thinks they will be ‘too strong’ for Spurs, predicting a 3-0 victory. I’m no fan of Merson but, as painful as it is for me to say, he makes some very valid points, particularly that our first half debacle against Burnley was not a one-off. It wasn’t and, as James rightly points out, 4-1 was a flattering result. This is Wigan and Burnley we are talking about, no disrespect to either.
Sorry for rambling on, but it feels good to let it out! It makes me wonder, if Spurs played against one of the ‘top 4′ each week would we be in a relegation scrap?
January 9, 2009 at 11:56 pm
i really believe it’s onwards and upwards. we’re going to be there. Spurs have never really achieved consistency thats true, but with a much bigger stadium to come, and the increased revenue that will ensue there’s no reason and history is no reason, that Spurs can’t go on a run of winning prems back to back. Who’s to say in a couple of years the regular top four teams may inc Man City, Spurs, Villa and Liverpool? Man U will be losing Ferie before too long, Chelski are far from invincible and Arsenal are proving Spurs like in their inconsistency… It’s a funny old game, but i firmly believe the injustices of 1918 will be remedied…Simon R would now be too inflammatory a time to put in the ‘trivia’ article i gave you a while back?
January 9, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Oh by the way Mr Dron, whilst i accept your passionate outbursts driven by deeply held beliefs, there could be women and toddlers tuning in who understand anglo saxon
January 10, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Injustices of 1918? By that are you referring to the Central Powers losing the First World War?
Tim, a well balanced report on Spurs. I enjoyed it. Mr Moores, Despite your optimism, as a cynical Arsenal fan it sounds like same old Spurs. Should do better than they do. It seems to always be like ‘tihs is the season’. But who knows, time will tell.
January 10, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Simon R, I won’t be making a Benitez generator, for two reasons. 1)It would be difficult 2) I am fully behind his over the top rant. Its about time someone oppossed Fergie’s behaviour.
January 10, 2009 at 8:33 pm
i propose that man u will flop when fergie goes, what do you all think about that? i also think chelski are going to flop too. abramovich is losing interest they reckon and money by the handful…. who will be the new top four?
January 12, 2009 at 10:47 am
Don’t agree with that Mr Moores. Even when fergie goes Utd will still been seen as a big club and they’ll get a good manager to replace him. Added to that there pretty much the richest club in the world, they can affford any player they want. You reckon all there players will leave when fergie does?
Chelsea again wont disappear, because of the money they now have in place. They have big players at the club and are under no financial pressure. Having said that if Abramovich sold up to someone who won’t/couldn’t inject cash into the club they may be in trouble. Could well have to sell players to offset huge losses made in previous seasons.
The only way the top 4 will change is if another team finishes in the champs league places displacing another team. For example, if Villa finish above Arsenal this year. Players will be attracted to Villa (for Champs league footy), players will be attracted away from Arsenal (for same reason). This COULD result in a change in the future top 4. Only team to have a chance of that this season is Villa. In future years add Spurs & Man City to that list ONLY because they have the financial power to buy top quality players.